Move on…said the Brain… it would be easy.

So I was basically just told to move on, move on from my past and find myself into a new future.

Well, I understand that I suppose, it is one thing to understand and another thing to actually put forth the action. How though? How am I suppose to move on when my own brain doesn’t let me?

Fuck you brain for tormenting my head, placing the old great memories and laughs and in bed cuddles and naps, and all of that other good shit. That hurt brain, did you know, it was not fun waking up to the crusty eyes again and a small heart ache and an even more painful sore throat. Either my brain is just trying to make my life a living hell or it’s just a sign.

Sign of what though?

There is no fear of being alone, I have been alone, I suppose  it is more of a fear of being forgotten, being replaced. Nobody likes being replaced, we are not old filters or peeling paint walls.

Or perhaps it is not even the idea of having some form of relationship, maybe perhaps I am that shallow to think that it is the intimacy part that I will be missing more than the actaul effort I had to put in with the relationship. Could it be I am just more attracted into the physical than dealing with the emotional shit? Oh arn’t I so classy… No, I don’t think I am that shallow. Perhaps its just the idea of missing all that, the feeling of someone being attracted to me, feeling of being wanted.

You have to go through a few bad eggs before you find the golden one 

So my question is… how many more bad eggs do I have to go through? Only with time right?

Brain, I must tell you though, it was not fair any of it, and to be honest, I deserved better than to be treated like that, because I am a better person. I did not do anything wrong, they have no reason to find me evil in any way just because I express myself on a blog. I don’t think that balances out anyways. Truthful blogs posts < to what they have done….

Aye Mariana, Mariana, what are you going to do with your complicated thoguhts?

I know, remain that hermit I was before, no bad idea. I shall break out of that shell, find myself, find the others who are meant to be in my life.

Happy readings.

Comment/give advice!/ follow/like  

– Mariana

Move on…said the Brain… it would be easy.

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