In a pretentious mood, and everything is just spinning. And yet I lay just grasping my head hoping to find a release. I need a break from everything and everyone, from that person. I can’t help but to feel always tense and aggravated, so I pick fights and rebel. Perhaps that is why I do what I do, because it is my small escape, it is a little rush of danger that sends me pleasure, because for those few hours I think of nothing, I am in my own world of energy. Masking my emotions out of pure fear, how weak can that be? Or am I just trying to drive him to the point where I no longer become an option in his life, but perhaps more a fail in the past only to sprout into something a little less, well intimate. Becoming to predictable in a world of vast variety and eternal suspense, how lame can that get?
I have lost the will power to even make friends that I can care for, why?
I already have those that I care for, why do I need more? Or am I that superficial and fake, that shallow and just a bitch for thinking all that? Maybe I am just that super socially awkward person who makes friends with other socially awkward people.
I can’t deal with people anymore, this isn’t some summer heat shit. I need an explosion, some fire works, a new face. Just something out of the boring old routine, and nobody was going to help me then I suppose I would just have to help my self in that aspect. I can’t say that I am not happy, but perhaps because I have everything I just seem to be craving something different, something new, although figuring out what that may be is what is causing some havoc.
In terms of where I have been in my love life? Well fine thanks for asking? Although to begin with nobody really cares, after all we are all adults here right. It isn’t after all anyones business who I see, fuck or love. That is for me to find out and my mind to hold onto. I am no sinner after all, I just enjoy my life offerings, and if life offers you lemons than make some sweet juicy lemonade. I am no longer quenched in my overly satisfying life. Simply just being greedy and goutiness in search for more. I have you, you are mine, only mine, possession = Greed.
Loca estoy yo? Alamejor si, alamejor ya me pego la rinda de hacer latina, la sangre intenso que corre por mis venas. Y no hay nada para controlarme, solo dar el seguro que no haria nada de estupidades. Nothing spontaneous, you know? Just live it all on the safe side. Where the fall is only two feet and people can’t push you far. Vivendo la vida en una cueva, como un cangrejo o una tortuga. Viendo peliculas en el Netflix. Maybe that is why he let me use his netflix, to keep me occupied in my little shell knowing I won’t really do anything wrong. Just a thought… random thought.
Blah blah blah blah blah
Ya lo sabes, y yo le se.
Anyways, I should probably check on my life again.
– Turtle Girl.