Three Years Later…

So summer is soon coming to an end and I have done nothing productive with my time or anything to spectacular, oh boo. No worries, soon it will fall back into the marvelous life of high school, *insert sarcastic YAY*. And then again will all my pointless ranting and complaints on how horrible generations are becoming how pointless high-school is and how it should just die. High school, miserable years and college? supposedly there is not much of a change, but what more can I do? I just need to speed it up through life, but I admit, it wasn’t all bad, i guess i am taking this time to reflect back on my years before my very last one comes up.

so my freshman year as i recall….

Red skinny jeans, black skinny jeans, jean skinny jeans…HOT TOPIC that was my all time favorite store to go shopping in, yup you probably guessed it, i had my small “EMO” “Punk” “rocker” whatever phase you would like to call it, where scremo music was blasted and I thought my hair wasn’t knotted and puffed up enough, and i got it to look more like a giant bird’s nest. And I probably could have been mistaken for an overly grown raccoon.Ā  It wasn’t such a bad year i made many new friends and lost a lot of my old ones. I did alright I suppose, had some growing up to do of course and felt like I was good-shit for finally making it to high-school.

Sophmore year, that was alright year really not to shabby, started right away basically in the first weeks of school with a relationship. That was fun, gave me a new chance to meet others people. I had always been a very picky and narrow minded person when it came to making friends, never really was a social person and often was to quickly to judge people based on maybe they’re reputation or who they hung out, see we see kids in schools in there so called “cliques” and the ones at the top everyone thinks “Oh boy there so popular!” It gets mentally engraved in there heads that they are, therefore they are to be treated as if they were celebrities walking the halls when in reality they aren’t even close, they are just normal everyday teens just as equal as the one they walk past. Along with getting some new relationship and friends, a new style for me. Like i mentioned my little punk rocker stage passed quickly I think and i gave that up, I thought to myself, no one likes some overly makeup girl with hair that looks like it hasn’t been brushed in years, I know I wouldn’t think that is very attractive. So I said “I need a new image” and thus is where the whole “finding yourself” began, trying to figure out who I was and finding myself where in the world did I belong, in this one tracked minded high-school world. I was just trying to figure out where I really belonged. My teachers were alright not my favorite but I somehow like every year I manage to pass everything. And well for my social life, i felt like it was everything, it was fun and carefree I was having fun with my new friends, new relationship and then like all good things, they come to an end, I suppose i would be lying to me and all of you readers to say it was mutual, i guess that is what i wanted to believe so it wouldn’t feel as bad, but that’s the thing, i was kinda wanting that experience, everyone has there first breakup, there first kiss, first relationships, first sexual adventures, first drunken night, First high. High school was like a pathway, a little taste of reality without leaving your fantasy life. I admit myself i wasn’t no saint, i did some fucked up things, ruined a relationship and in the process got some angry chicks going for my very head, used someone for a rebound and just pushed them away as if nothing, skipped school couple times, drugs. Not trying to sound exaggerated like I am some bad ass, because i am not, i guess i was just rebelling against people. Yea did I do some growing up BIG time in this year. (sarcasm here too) Although overall i enjoyed my year as well and i worked hard to get my trip to Mexico.

Junior Year.

Finally I was able to prance around the school like i owned shit, Upperclass SUCKA!!! S.A.T.S, college searching, weekly meetings with my awesome counselor to nag on him about where my best school choices will be and how my G.P.A stands and all. It was another year and i planned on making it worth it, no playing around and messing around, no skipping school and just taking it easy all the time. I was ready to face this nightmare we all call “High- School” I stopped caring about my appearance and my own social life, kinda just said to my self “if they want to be my friends then they can, but I am just trying to get through this”. I joined a play and that was a lot of fun, i met so many people and it felt good to work with groups and just meet alot of people, everyone was so friendly. And then again, Middle of the year, I fall into another relationship, silly silly Marz, don’t you ever learn? No, but this one is different and it’s actually meaningful to me, alot. It doesn’t feel like some silly high school thing, feels like it is way more than that. So I was happy with that change in my life. I had so much fun in my Junior year, It kinda made me realize that in high-school I could careless about how many friends i have following me around or who i was following around, I am not a fucking sheep that follows the herd, and no one should be. Everyone is who they are, not following some other person’s shadows. “oh i drink, so you drink” “I wear pink, so you wear pink” (personally I’m not a fan of either of those things) I realized that my friends, even though its a small crowd the reason why I love them is because they’re are great people, they have good hearts and minds. And why would i want to be friends with 100+ people if i can’t even trust a single one? It just doesn’t make any sense to me when i rather have a group of less than 10+ and be able to really know them as a person. I ended my year fine, again somehow I managed to just pass everything :O SHOCKER! and life at home was getting better, not as many problems and fights. See I was trying this new thing where I communicate with my parents in a a more civil tone.

And now, I am back to where i started, complaining about my wondrous summer šŸ™‚ no just kidding. So until next summer will i stop and reflect back on all my four years, and who knows maybe since its all over ill post up my whole diary, maybe….

 

Happy Readings šŸ™‚

~ Marz

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Three Years Later…

Words. Words.Words.

Sometimes what people say you expect yourself to just let them go. You take those comments.critics,words and you shoved them to the back of your fucking mind. Although it doesn’t always work like that, When you hear something that contradicts every bit of what your feeling you feel it hit the bottom of your stomach and just lay there for days and you go on ends without letting it go wondering why you opened your ears to hear it. You realize that it hurts you and your just lost without knowing what to do with that pain. Lost because you are unsure who to share it to, who to confront it towards. Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me? I tend to disagree with this for my own personal reasons and perhaps experiences. Anyways I’m flowing off track. Tonight’s blog post is nothing in ways but perhaps something. Just rambled thoughts. No story, no poem or song or nothing. just Words. Words the sink into the mind and stay there for as long as you can push your mind to remember. Remember the words that sunk in to eat away your flesh, the words that warmed and tickled your soul, words that made you cringe away and tears appear, words that made you vulnerable and feel naked to the world. words that made you smile and feel lucky for all the reasons of the world. Words. they come and go, but the burned mark is always there to remind you.

Words. Words.Words.