The Devil’s Playmate Prt 1

    Pacing my footsteps through the woods, ashes of leaves  with brittle twigs cracking on the ground, echoing through the naked trees. My breath heavy with peril, I stop and listen, it is silent. I am in my own solitude, a simplistic hell, where the nightmares are the reality and the beast is more than just a friend, but a dark lover of past youthful dreams, and he is vividly beautiful. Luring me in deeper into the forest, where the trees were scorched and hovered with their twisted curling branches, arching and encasing the dark, with only a shadow to see. He holds his hand out, so gracefully, with lust tainted on his fingertips. I am hesitant from a far.
“Wait! Don’t leave me”
    I take a step forward and the rustle of the ground starts to fade away. He has moved only deeper and I follow, I cannot help but to follow him. The yearning to see him once more, to catch a glimpse of what temptation has to offer.   

“Find me”

I hear his voice bounce off, a playful tone because to him it was a game.
    His seductive voice finally fades and I stood there, mixed emotions racing through my blood and bones.
  

 “I know what you are thinking” I can feel his smile linger through those words “If you turn around now and head back, you will never know…don’t you want to know? Don’t you want to feel?”
    

I become disconnected with my body, my feet take their own steps and I felt his presence grow stronger. I hold my arms out in hopes he will guide me.
  

 “Where are you going?” He questioned as I followed the shadow.
    “Why are you doing this to me?” I asked
    “Doing what?”
    “All of this. Why are you hurting me, tempting me, seducing me”
    

A laughed erupted and then his footsteps picked up again, and I ran after. Silly me, a girl running after someone so forbidden, I just wanted to see him, touch his skin and feel the rush of euphoric impulse
  

 “And yet you still follow aimlessly girl! You follow only because you are scared”

I froze, the air grew cold, sending shrivers through my spine. He continued speaking,

“You think you have nothing left, so in desperation you follow what cannot be touched but only wanted, and forever you shall want, you will have eternal desire with no satisfaction, that is your hell”
    

He stands a couple feet away, just out of arms reach, and I stare into his face. He is so beautiful, it is almost unrealistic. The grey eyes contrasting with the trees, burning with anticipation, and yet he was ever so smooth, the way he stood, like a tree itself. Swaying lightly, yet maintaining the strong pose rooted into the ashes.
    Sending chills with the wind making the hairs on my arms stand, I stared at him and moved forward. He held his hands out and smiled
  

 “Come to me my love”
    “I am” I stumbled “I am trying”
    “Come closer, Don’t worry I won’t run away”
    “It’s a trick” I hesitated “You always play these mind games, I know you”
    “Don’t you trust me?” he frowned.

I stopped, his body leaned closer, I was only feet away from him, I could smell his cologne, it flared up my nostrils with the aroma.
    “Turn around” he calmly told me.
I trust him at my most vulnerable spot, I trust him with my back turned to the devil himself.
        “Close your eyes now” I felt my eyes close shut, and now I saw nothing, I listened to the crunch of footsteps now shuffling behind me.
    Placing his fingers firmly on my shoulders as my back faced him, I could feel his breath in my ear, slowly making its way down my neck. His hands traced my arms and rested on my hips as he pulled me in closer to him.
    “Play with me” he moved his hands “Come on Babe” he nudged me in closer.
I felt his softened lips press against my neck, each letting a small breath to escape from my mouth. Leaving marks that burned and I loved it.
As his lips pressed more fiercely, his hands rushed through my body, leaving every spot untouched. And I could feel all of him as he pressed me against his body. I wanted to turn around, I wanted to feel that burn on my lips, the impulse of the sultry hands.

I wanted him.

 

– M

So here is a part of a story, I randomly decided to write, I figured I would not burden you with my silly rants and actually give my readers something I find decent enough to share. Please Comment,  Critic, Follow and all that other good stuff! I will appreciate it so much!

Happy Readings 🙂

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The Devil’s Playmate Prt 1

Growth Spurt

I have so many new blog ideas that come to me randomly, and then when I finally get to them, I end up staring at a blank screen and then clicking that little x at the tab bar. It’s funny how my mind has changed in so many ways, since the last time I took a reflection upon myself. I know my ‘lover’ if he reads this will think “You? Marz? grow up? you’re such a child sometimes”, and yea it is true. I act so immature and childish when we are together, or perhaps it is because even though I have an old soul because I enjoy museums, weird movies and swing music… but he? Probably an ancient soul, our soul ages just are too far apart :p haha.

I suppose I never got to enjoy thoroughly my teen years normally, I had to grow up a bit faster than my other fellow friends. I knew things growing up that most kids at that age wouldn’t even question, like what the human body parts were, my cousin taught me what sex and masturbation was when I was probably about 10 years old, we even had code names for a condom, penis and vagina, and all those other “private parts”.

Although could those new words and knowledge in my mind truly have made me more grown up than others?

Now fast forward to my current lifestyle, I work at a high-end restaurant, our usual costumers range from 30-60 years old, very rarely do we get young adults from 18-30. Surrounded by adults, weather its from staff or our costumers. Working in restaurants has made me see a new perspective on people and life for that matter. Working in general has made me think of how people today get by. In today’s world where jobs are so scarce, it’s really no longer about where you came from, your background or education, it is all about having the specific experience, something that makes you different from the rest yet maintaining that generic mold they want and having a connection of someone “higher”.
Sadly that is how we have to live our lives. My manager always encourages me to “connect” with regulars because you never know who you can meet. For me to really say though that I’ve grown, I suppose I can admit to it. I have learned to speak louder and fight for what I want, not to allow people feel above me or push me around, and to Handle situations in a mature manner.
I know he always tells me I need to grow up, but I’ll just grow up for what will do me well in life, for now he’ll just have to suffer his way through.

Happy readings 🙂

-Marz
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Growth Spurt

FLIPPED

In this world Figure A, is no longer a black sheep but the golden one. Figure A has everything in place and a world so perfectly laid out. Figure A is not misbehaving and is doing what they are told. Figure A is no longer Figure B. Figure B on the other hand is now in question of sanity, the mental state in which they think. Figure A worries about figure B, and wonders about the morals. Figure A was taught to be faithful towards the loved ones, just like Figure B. And when figure A finally is grabbing a hold of life, the relationship, the job, the well everything, they notice figure B starting to slowly diminish that. Figure A is conflicted with telling Figure C, knowing though it might hurt Figure B. Figure B is a liar, they are a cheating un grateful liar. It is as if Figure B is no longer even recognizable, there is no shame in Figure B. It is funny how things flip, life makes these small changes and suddenly Figure A doesn’t feel so guilty about making this about them. Making it their summer to travel and fall in love, or well deeper in love. Figure A has no regrets in knowing that they are keeping all of their sanity. Their only disappointment although is Figure B, what is to become of that?

 

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Happy Readings.

 

FLIPPED

Sweet and Juicy… Lemons.

In a pretentious mood, and everything is just spinning. And yet I lay just grasping my head hoping to find a release. I need a break from everything and everyone, from that person. I can’t help but to feel always tense and aggravated, so I pick fights and rebel. Perhaps that is why I do what I do, because it is my small escape, it is a little rush of danger that sends me pleasure, because for those few hours I think of nothing, I am in my own world of energy. Masking my emotions out of pure fear, how weak can that be? Or am I just trying to drive him to the point where I no longer become an option in his life, but perhaps more a fail in the past only to sprout into something a little less, well intimate. Becoming to predictable in a world of vast variety and eternal suspense, how lame can that get?
I have lost the will power to even make friends that I can care for, why?
I already have those that I care for, why do I need more? Or am I that superficial and fake, that shallow and just a bitch for thinking all that? Maybe I am just that super socially awkward person who makes friends with other socially awkward people.
I can’t deal with people anymore, this isn’t some summer heat shit.  I need an explosion, some fire works, a new face. Just something out of the boring old routine, and nobody was going to help me then I suppose I would just have to help my self in that aspect. I can’t say that I am not happy, but perhaps because I have everything I just seem to be craving something different, something new, although figuring out what that may be is what is causing some havoc.
In terms of where I have been in my love life? Well fine thanks for asking? Although to begin with nobody really cares, after all we are all adults here right. It isn’t after all anyones business who I see, fuck or love. That is for me to find out and my mind to hold onto. I am no sinner after all, I just enjoy my life offerings, and if life offers you lemons than make some sweet juicy lemonade.  I am no longer quenched in my overly satisfying life. Simply just being greedy and goutiness in search for more. I have you, you are mine, only mine, possession = Greed.
Loca estoy yo? Alamejor si, alamejor ya me pego la rinda de hacer latina, la sangre intenso que corre por mis venas.  Y no hay nada para controlarme, solo dar el seguro que no haria nada de estupidades. Nothing spontaneous, you know? Just live it all on the safe side. Where the fall is only two feet and people can’t push you far. Vivendo la vida en una cueva, como un cangrejo o una tortuga. Viendo peliculas en el Netflix. Maybe that is why he let me use his netflix, to keep me occupied in my little shell knowing  I won’t really do anything wrong. Just a thought… random thought.

                                                                                       Blah blah blah blah blah

Ya lo sabes, y yo le se.

Anyways, I should probably check on my life again.

Happy readings

– Turtle Girl.

Sweet and Juicy… Lemons.

What Makes Me Attractive?

It is finally getting closer and closer to that summer time, where people start to realize that all their hibernating fat has to be gone and getting in shape seems to be a priority. More exposed clothing is out and sun dresses and short shorts are finally being taken out and dusted off.  And I have yet to move out all my winter stuff… Spring cleaning? I think yes.

Me getting in shape? I thought I would never see the day when I will actually push myself to go to a gym, and now the only thing i picture in my head is the person I wish to be. Thinner, toned up, flatter tummy, you know, girl stuff.

I just can’t help to wonder though, to what I look like right now, and how I dress and act… why am I even attractive? Like what is it that people (or guys) see in me for that manner? I am far from being all girly, I love to look like a bum in slouchy old clothes, I hate dressing up unless it is necessary, I don’t really think of myself as a “sexy” kind of person. I suppose cute, sure but cute is cute; like “AWWW what a cute little dog!” nobody calls a dog sexy, cute is so child like. I always hated showing cleavage, non-the less I hate my own bust size, they’re the one thing that I have never liked because I just don’t feel like they fit my persona, they seem to be just TOO BIG, and then there is shy little me.

I don’t like wearing makeup, again unless I really have to and I hate designer clothes and brands (hey! at least ill save my guy some money right?) and I never really care what I eat or how. I love rough housing around, jumping, rolling in grass and being adventurous and just stupid and silly, that is who I am, but isn’t there a point where its just not considered… well Female? Lady-like?

So really, what makes me attractive? If I seem more like a dude, and less like a chick.

What do they even see in me?

Sometimes I feel like, I am not enough (and I know, someone should never feel that way about themselves), but I just don’t. I just don’t look the part. You take one look at me and your just like “damn, you are one big mess, messy hair, messy clothes” I am a mess! I suppose I just don’t care (Don’t worry though I do care about my hygiene. Although seriously!!

DO GUYS EVEN LIKE THAT?

I am who I am, and I can’t change that, I won’t change that.

I just feel like sometimes “they” are embarrassed to be seen around me, knowing there are other girls who dress well, always look their finest, show off their “curves”, just always look like models. Then curiosity is induced, and paranoia starts to weave in and my brain starts to panic “does he look at other girls? I mean he is a guy, but does he wish I dressed like that sometimes? He could have someone prettier, I know for sure, they would probably look better together, everyone would stare at them in admiration”

So why do “they” just accept me?

What do they see in me?

What makes me attractive?

 

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Happy Readings 🙂

– Marz

What Makes Me Attractive?

Observant, Hesitant and Fearful.

“Fear is the Heart of love”- Death Cab for Cutie

That stance always stood out to me.

What a cliche I know, but

the more I look at it the more it

makes sense.

Things are in such a great place,

I am scared,

I am careful,

every word and move I make, I watch.

I am hesitant.

There is much fear in me because I love.

Nobody wants to ruin something they love.

I know for sure,

I do not.

When there is a want, not lust,

WANT.

I want you,

I can’t lose you,

You are my golden possession

and I am terrified.

There is this feeling in me

that knows something bad might happen.

Not knowing is just endlessly torturous.

This fear is endless.

This love, is fear.

Happy Readings!

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– Marz

Observant, Hesitant and Fearful.