Simple Brown Eyes

And in my mind,I just hope you dont feel it.

The existential bummer mixed with the heart ache. 

That all these feelings disappear 

I hope for your sake. 

From the pit of my stomach to the bottom of my heart,

All you did was take me, 

fill me with memories, seamen and fake happiness 

in all my empty cracks.

You made me believe that forever was now 

and now was all we had. 

And like nothing and yet everything I meant to you. 

I felt almost lost. 

It seemed out of the blue. 

You told me the worst parts and now what do I do? 

with those little bits of information

The way you hate something, 

The way you sleep and dream.

I take them all like hits. 

Hits to the chest, to the head 

How can you let me just lay in my bed

Wondering

Pondering 

If everything that was

Could have been

Should have been

But wasn’t. 

Fake 

You cling to me 

A heart break,

That’s what you left me.

It wasn’t the imprint of ur laugh, 

The way you smiled.

It wasn’t the way I perfectly slept in your arms, 

head nuzzled into your shoulder

The way we synced, 

You moved, I moved, 

You cried, I cried

You danced, I danced

Now the past tense, 

everything that was.

The way I fell in love with the simplicity of brown in your eyes

 the way you held me when I was scared of the storms. 

I called you pumpkin, and I was honey bunny, 

Pulp fiction.

I would show you stupid videos, 

sitting in your car, 

only to spend a few more minutes in your world. 

Faded away is now the feeling of you making love to my body every nip,

Every grip.

so effortlessly

I let you in, 

Inside my body, inside my mind, inside my soul, 

I let you into every inch and crevice.

I trusted you.

I was open

The words of your lips escaping, saying I was your everything.

Now reduced to merely nothing.

It wasn’t the way you walked or held yourself as a “man”, 

Your admiral attitude and ambition I had once admired in pride.

No you left me with the worst

You left me with your words of hatred

With what you really thought 

after all this time.

You left me, but before you did, you kicked me to my low.

What a low blow. 

You didn’t leave with just a heart ache, 

You left me with disappointment 

Dissatisfaction. 

Diss, a diss, an insult written in words brightened and embedded through a screen with no regret or feelings of remorse. 

A tasteless attack on my insecurities, 

You left me wondering if I ever even was good enough, if I ever was a goddess before you that you also blindly loved as I had once before, 

You were everything to me, 

It was one sided, 

Unlike your face.

you damaged this. 

Us.

Me.

The last memory damaged by your actions, and the intention of hurt. 

How could someone I have loved done that so easily without hesitation. 

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Simple Brown Eyes

Bed Sheets

It is a feeling out place

when I am not nudged between the sheets

and his body.

Nestled between the moment of bliss and lust

balanced with the perfect shape

between his lips and our fate.

The minds of dreamers mixed with wonders,

and the dash of over thinkers,

 with tucked away secrets

into those bed sheets.

Yet heartbeat at ease calms the youthful minds

proving that life outside is a tease of its own kind

He makes it feel safe

allowing to explore and

to expose my vulnerability.

We play all day, and through the night,

and we seem to forget about life outside

It just him and I

Everything is right.

It is a sculpted love,

and we have shaped it so perfectly.

Tucked away so effortlessly.

Bed Sheets

The Irony of The Universe

Things become so ironic, in the best ways, that it just makes me chuckle and smile. So how to explain this, my best friend, became my best friend, because he said something that was miss interpretided into causing me to lose my best friend…

WAIT… rewind on that… how does that work?

Now you are all probablly asuming how crazy I am… how can you be best friends with someone like that?

Simple… he did me the best favor anyone could have done. I know that seems so strange, but it is true. Without my best friend, I wouldn’t be where I am today. And trust me, he always apologizes to me and how horrible he felt if he had known what the damage would have been, but honestly, it was for the best!!

I imagined my life one night if he had never done that, I imagined how depressed I would be still, How I would of still been in that toxic cycle with X, going through the mind fucks, the manipulative abuse, the lies and feeling like the lowest person ever. How I would of never met my current love *yes thats right, I decided to start dating again and open my world up… 4 months strong and its been amazing*, I probably wouldnt have gone on all these memorable adventures, or finding my boyfriend as pretty much being my music rave mate soulmate, no mind games, no lies, no stress, no doubting, we just live, we laugh and we do it so well that its beautiful. I ended up making some of the most important connections because of my bestfriend, had one of the best summers and I cant regret any of it.

I feel happy and healthy and I can say it with a straight face.

Peace, I am at peace, what I had been searching in me and around me, it is all at peace.

I owe it all to my best friend, I owe him from breaking me apart from the toxic waste in my life, for pushing me to give someone who became somebody important a chance, I owe him for the advice and memorable nights we have had. He always says sorry… Yet I amm always saying thank you.

Isnt it fantastic how the universe can work in the best of ways?

|It is almost Ironic|

Although, when it is to my favor… who am I to complain to 🙂

 

Happy Readings my Misfits

  • Marz

 

The Irony of The Universe

.Decaying and Expired.

I wish there was some sort of manual written for your life, things would seem safer I suppose, you would be able to avoid the tragic things without the surprises that lurked darkly behind.

In a world of feeling a misfit and out of place, fitting in with life itself never seemed to be such an option. It is just confusing as ever, floating around attempting to keep what is left together. Has been it a struggle? Perhaps in ways, yes and in other ways I can’t be more grateful about it. School, Family, Break ups, the minimal drama at my job… its all been there for me to soak up.

Bored, we all get bored we grow desperate in search of something more, something to satisfy better, something to tame this gluttony for human existence. We lunge with the risks in mind, “But I am here, I am alive and this is who I am now”

I have recently been in the process of figuring out myself, do not get me wrong I know more or less the person I am to others, but there is this thirst for finding inner peace, with my body and soul. I should have gone on this journey a while ago when I had the opportunity.

Everything is so temporary, and yet we hold onto everything as if it was to last forever, things fall into an end, and when you keep pushing it forward, it only becomes more and more stale. Somethings are better left to when they expired, when something is in a process of decay, we can always grow something new from that pile of shit we put ourselves in.

So I must grow.

.Decaying and Expired.

Hanging On Hopeless, Silly and Forgotten Dream.

Screen shot 2013-02-05 at 10.40.10 AM

Her cheeks pink, resting on the pillow.

With his lips resting on her neck,

his soft breaths leaving a sense of humidity.

It tickled the hairs on her back.

A long sigh.

Messy hair,

scratches of good sex.

makeup smeared under her eyes.

He held her, cradling her into his arms.

“You are so pretty”

Her lips kissed the top of his forehead.

She felt his grip tighten, and his head fell back

into place.

He closed his eyes, and she shut hers.

How she wished,

that could be them,

everyday.

The silly hope, that the dream,

that once was,

was not dead,

simply buried.

Although perhaps she

was just a

silly

foolish

girl.

Hanging onto a hopeless dream,

never to be.

To fall back to what was left

when there is a monster in the same bed,

and he is making his way back in slowly.

It is her fault, because she is letting, so willing,

So giving.

So she plays it safe,

“Don’t let him take anymore, you already gave too much, you already gave in”

So she keeps hanging onto her

lost

hopeless

and forgotten dream.

Always just hoping.

Happy Readings!!

Comment/Follow/ LIKE.

By: Marz

Hanging On Hopeless, Silly and Forgotten Dream.

Night time

Nights like these sometimes makes you want to kill yourself.

They make you want to scream and toss, an endless never resting movement.

Forcing insomnia to sink into your skin and make you itch.

Scratching until the blood gets under your fingernails.

One side, to the other, same walls all around.

You know those nights where you have your eyes closed and thoughts just seep in.

The nights when you wonder what is your purpose in life. What actions are you taking to fulfill it and define who you are.

Life is so fragile and you could be dead in a second. Being on this earth is a privilege, to see and experience everything exactly how it was placed, because there is a true beauty to it that only privileged eyes can see. There are those nights where you just feel like you don’t deserve to have that privilege mother earth has given to you because all you can think is “Why me? What great have I done?”

And you put yourself in the middle, hold your life in your hands, and everything you were is now nothing. Slowly you fade from the minds of others because everyone you knew is now forgetting or departing as well from the earth, becoming only a painful memory of why?

Life, it’s a fragile thing isn’t it?

You know those late nights, where you just want to kill yourself, just to make sure you’re were alive, that everything you had seen, the sins, the good, the evil, the beauty, everything. That it was real and you lived it all.

 

Happy readings!

Comment/like/follow.

Finally blogged haha!

– Marz.

 

 

Night time

Someday You will be Loved – Death Cab for Cutie.

I once knew a girl
  In the years of my youth
  With eyes like the summer
  All beauty and truth
  In the morning I fled
  Left a note and it read
  Someday you will be loved.
 I cannot pretend that I felt any regret
  Cause each broken heart will eventually mend
  As the blood runs red down the needle and thread
  Someday you will be loved
 You'll be loved you'll be loved
  Like you never have known
  The memories of me
  Will seem more like bad dreams
  Just a series of blurs
  Like I never occurred
  Someday you will be loved
 You may feel alone when you're falling asleep
  And everytime tears roll down your cheeks
  But I know your heart belongs to someone you've yet to meet
  Someday you will be loved
 You'll be loved you'll be loved
  Like you never have known
  The memories of me
  Will seem more like bad dreams
  Just a series of blurs
  Like I never occurred
  Someday you will be loved
 You'll be loved you'll be loved
  Like you never have known
  The memories of me
  Will seem more like bad dreams
  Just a series of blurs
  Like I never occurred
  Someday you will be loved
  Someday you will be loved

Has to be one of my favorite songs perhaps.

Happy Listening.

Someday You will be Loved – Death Cab for Cutie.