Bed Sheets

It is a feeling out place

when I am not nudged between the sheets

and his body.

Nestled between the moment of bliss and lust

balanced with the perfect shape

between his lips and our fate.

The minds of dreamers mixed with wonders,

and the dash of over thinkers,

 with tucked away secrets

into those bed sheets.

Yet heartbeat at ease calms the youthful minds

proving that life outside is a tease of its own kind

He makes it feel safe

allowing to explore and

to expose my vulnerability.

We play all day, and through the night,

and we seem to forget about life outside

It just him and I

Everything is right.

It is a sculpted love,

and we have shaped it so perfectly.

Tucked away so effortlessly.

Bed Sheets

Hello to my new world.

It finally has arrived, the ending to the first chapter in my life. As of today I am a graduate of white plains high school, class of 2012. My summer finally starting to look up, there isn’t much I should be complaining about. There have been ups and downs and a lot of bridges and roads I had to cross and build, but I got there. I suppose there was a bittersweet moment to this all. I have fought through with my parents, been through good and bad relationships, fights with friends, survived drama and prom. I suppose my battle was great and successful. I heard someone in a speech say “change is constant” and it is always happening, it took me a while to figure this out and finally get into my head. I have come to many realizations over the past week and I have come in terms to accept it. Change can be good, and they might hurt at first, but you get over them and enjoy the good that comes later on in life, you turn to better places and find better people.

A friend told me recently, that I needed to stop with the bitter attitude and go back to being the “Mariana he used to know, with the smile and sparkle in her eyes” to him, I just looked dead and miserable, just very different. I was only damaging myself with all this. So I decided that it was best to just let it go, I just focus on myself and that is all, enjoy my summer because it is for me. It hurts sure, I took a sacrifice on my feelings and just hope that I made the logical choice, funny thing is it didn’t feel completed, I was not happy with my choice. I have more obstacles to over come, and my life is not near being done. I was happy while it was around, and this helped me through high school for those two years left, but high school is over, and I think so is this.

Changes, everyone goes through them, and sometimes they go bad, but the good is only near to come. So now I welcome my new life and happiness and everything that it has to offer.

Cheers to class of 2012.

– Mariana Rodriguez

Hello to my new world.

Some Nights to Remember.

Another fine year has come and gone, and senior year is suddenly coming to its end. My days of high school finished and off into another new world of obstacles and adventures. Senior prom, meh. Although aside from the salty rice and dry fried chicken, I suppose it could just have been enjoyable.The music was just as crappy as the food and occasionally was able to play some decent songs at half way length leaving kids confused and felt more like a game of musical freeze rather than a dance. Enough about the bad stuff, point was that I enjoyed my time and although what felt like it was going to be the longest 4 hours of my life, turned out not so bad, now of course my feet ached and my shoes didn’t last too long on my feet four inch heels I had) but I had my moments of fun dancing with my friends and my boyfriend. It was sure an experience. I suppose a perk to having prom was like a little light to let us know that the day has finally arrived where we can get all glammed up, start some drama and hate each other’s guts before the end of the school year finally comes to a riveting end. Joking! well, not about the ‘end of the year’ coming to it’s end. So with the dancing and eating and lounging around screaming at the top of my lungs on how beautiful and handsome all my friends looked, I can say for sure that it was a great way to end the school year.

After coming home and skyping with some family in Mexico, and wishing I could be next to them, I fell asleep only to wake a few hours later to make my way to Massachusetts to spend a night with my dear friends and two days of fun (friday-saturday), beautiful place it was, and we stayed in a barn the family built with running (Cold) water and beds on each side for guys and gals. We started right away by putting our things away on our beds and making ourselves at home by starting a giant battle of nerf guns and water bottles flying all around. Resulting in some pretty gnarly and epic battle. With giant pillows as shields and many laughs to come go around the place. I admit I was a bit skeptic about how this was going to turn out. I am sure we all were. Time alone with people though really allows you to bond with others and learn new things, I suppose that is what made it more special and memorable. Getting to know people before they all part to go their own way. At dinner we all ate together and helped around and clean up (except my friend Brian and my boyfriend -_-)

We had our fun, jumping on trampolines and playing basketball and running, playing board games and cards, and around probably what had to of been the scariest manhunt game I had ever played in my life and being able to start an amazing campfire and roast marshmallows for smores and play chubby bunny (which ended in a disaster) . And trying not to get eaten by the bobcat (that takes a crap in the drive way every morning) and the bear we have yet seen, but is apparently around. Watching movies and video games at night, trying to kick ass in brawl and taking a stroll at midnight around. Only to end it by sneaking into my boyfriend’s  bed and cuddle up next to him after a long day and night. That was something new, and in ways comforting and sweet, even though we were kinda squished in a twin size bed and it got freezing cold at night and we both fight over the covers to beat the chilly rain, somehow though we managed just perfectly alright. Then awkwardly being the only one awake walked around and cleaned up, then walked back over to the girls side then back downstairs as I heard someone go into the bathroom, then upon seeing Ricardo step out we just walked to the girls side woke them up, then I woke the guys up to get them ready for breakfast. Again another great day we had, even though we spent half the day indoors being lazy bums and watching movies while we all snuggled in blankets and then decided to play some more video games and head over to make the final dinner of an amazing trip. Then cleaning up and packing up we made our way to the car and had our final jumps on the trampoline and took our last pictures together as a group. We had a sing along in the car and listened to music in which Brian seemed to be the equivalent sucky DJ as the one we had in our prom, but that’s okay we forgave him, I mean it’s not like he was being paid for it.

Over all, it was a really fun weekend, and I kinda wish I had a time machine for that, I love all my friends and having this time for ourselves was great, it was a great escape, and something that I needed, a place to just let go of everything, forget about high school and all that shit and just enjoy my time with my friends. And that is exactly what I did.

Happy Readings 🙂

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Mariana.

Some Nights to Remember.

Dear______,

Again, since my mind has been in the gutter, I figure why not make this easy on myself and just stick to these lame little face book things and see what you can make of it. So here goes another one yet again in the middle of the night due to my lack of sleep and horrible sleeping patterns and the curses of the internet

Dear ex,

Well, first off, why does face- book have a knack to bring up past first? I suppose that is how it works, anyways. So ex, hmm there really isn’t anything to say, When you write there is emotions and such  feelings in which people put in. I don’t, I don’t see how people can write something without emotions, but really I don’t feel anything, I am not sure if this goes to last ex, or just the past in general, but as  I always say to myself, the past is the past, and what is meant to be then it is what it is, it stays behind you, and you leave it behind. So with that, I wish you all the best in life. Cheers.

Dear girl I hate,

There isn’t really a girl I hate. I am pretty neutral, sure there are girls I will be judgmental on and have my reasons to be friendly, but that is just me being a girl. If I was to “hate” a girl it is because there is something they have that I don’t. I dislike girls for different reasons, but I think a big part is just jealousy.

Dear boy I like,

It isn’t much of a secret that I like you, no I don’t like you, I love you, a lot actually and care for you more than you might think. I am sure you know that already though. You have been so wonderful and I really am lucky to have a guy like you in my life, and I know “oh how cliche”. Although sometimes the truth can be at times. Thanks for being there for me even for the littlest dramas I have had with the ups and downs and putting up with all the crazy shit that I have given you. You aren’t just some guy that I fell in love with or had a thing in high school with, this wasn’t just some puppy love phase as many would call it, but I gained a truly remarkable great friend with a special bond I have to cherish. And I know I can be so frustrating at times which questions why you put up with me, but trust me, even I question myself on that sometimes. It just works I suppose, and I am so glad that it does.

Dear ex best friend,

Well, we were destined to not work out ever since middle school had finished, we were drifting but that is okay I had already accepted that. I am just ashamed it had to be that way. This is more of an apology, I am sorry for the damage that I did to you, no one deserves that, but in all honesty I did you more of a favor than anything trust me, kid wasn’t worth your time.  I am just sorry that it was because of a stupid act we no longer even say hi or anything. So, I am sorry for the harm I had put upon you. I know you have no interest, and well neither do I, but I promised myself that someday I will apologize to you properly.

Dear best friend(s),

I am to lazy to write you all, just read my past post “Best Friends” yes, that will sum it up for you. You guys are great hehe love you!

Dear Mum,

Oh mom, we have our ups and downs as always and at each other throats. I suppose that is what happens when you put fire with fire. We both have to much similar personas that they clash. Honestly though I don’t know where would I be if I didn’t have you. With your empowering speeches and your “WE ARE WOMEN” stance. I think I would be so lost, you always happen to give me great advice. And I always enjoy secretly our fights when you throw things at me, it’s like a game of doge ball. And I know we aren’t very loving with each other but we know in our own ways how we feel. I don’t think I will ever forget the time I read you that poem and you cried. Mom, I love you.

Dear Dad,

What is there to say about you? I am so lucky to have you as my father, and over the years you have helped me through the worst and never given up. Your patience for your daughters is incredible and you have never failed to cheer me up even when I am just in the worst spot. There probably is a whole story I could write about you, but I won’t. You have honestly taught me so much, and I admire the courage and risks you have taken to get where you are today. You always tell me to stay strong and work hard and to be who I want to be in life, even if others don’t approve of it. I have always admire the man you have become, because you could have ended up like the rest of your brothers or father, but you didn’t, you were different. Dad, I love you and thank you.

Dear Future Self.

Well, I hope you keep living the life that you have planned in your mind. That life treats you as well as you hope. I think it will, if you keep that mindset that it will be great it will be. Like my new quote “Believe that you have it, and you have it” So hope you have everything you wanted. I know it seems so irrational to say that, if you have that morbid mentality. I think you will do just great though, you will be alright. And remember, as you’re present boyfriend always said to you “You will make people happy no matter where you go”, that has always stuck out to me, so hopefully it will be like a little light of hope for your future.

Happy readings!

– Mariana

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Dear______,

Best Friends

Oh how cliche, another teenage girl to write about her and her dear old friends…

well here it goes.

Each is a trait from the love of my lifes, which I have seem to describe them, so my dears if you happen to come across this, assume which one might be yours I have picked for you.

With Love.

 

Shy. Dramatic. Short. Jerk. Humorous. Spaztic. Funny. Give anything to. Trusth worthy. Mature. Timid. Silly. A sister. My lovey. Sexy. Tall. Struts. Likes to dress up with me. Always loving life. Carefree. Grey Blue eyes. Four eyes. Love them to death. “Natrual hair”. Lean. Busty. Small. Holds all my secrets. Color changing hair. Slackers together. Great lover. Holds my heart. Listens to me. Bitch with Attitude. Everyone’s Lawyer. Lights up everything. Comforting. Smells nice. Loves to laugh. Wrestle. Call names. Can spend days, maybe years with. Foolish. Immature. Loud. Side Swept hair. Childhood friend. Gorgeous green eyes which I envy. Stylish. Gossip with. Always right. Cultured. Well mannered. Charismatic. Charming. Beautiful. Hot. I’d risk my life. Story teller. Large hazel eyes. Crazy. Druggy friend. High off life. Hyper. Cheerful. Responsible. Looks out for me. Always one foot ahead. Tickle Monster. In Lesbians with. Beach Buddy. Carnival and road trips. Food junkie. Chef. Supernatural partner. Sore loser. Dorky. Talented. Great Music taste. Loving.

I could use so many more cliche words, but I would rather not. My friends have meant a great deal to me and I can’t be thankful enough for everything they have put up with and been through. I love you all so much. And I never regret the chances I took.

 

Best Friends

I Carry Fear.

It’s funny, as I walked home by myself of course I start to talk. I rant off about my thoughts, perspectives and future plans in my life that I hope to achieve. I started thinking, if I could have a job, maybe I’d manage a morgue, or drive a hearse. Most people have a common fascination with dark and death and weird things like that, it just sparks our curiosity. Most people tend to fear death upon themselves, I simply accept it as part of life and it’s cycle.
Ironic though, I fear death touching upon my loved ones. I think sometimes that is why I fear, and I get so scared to dedicate myself to someone, having that future.  I think of the future, and beyond, growing old, becoming accustomed to their company everyday and them being there for me, and suddenly they are just gone and I can never get them back. I have to selfishly live on what I have left in life. I cannot deal with losing people. Sometimes I want to end everything, cut off all connections with humanity and my relationships with others so I wouldn’t have that feeling of loss. I almost lost my sister once, and losing her again would be heart breaking. Losing any of my friends, I could not imagine what my life would be like, and losing that someone I love,it would feel as if part of me died as well. I don’t have that many close friends and maybe that is why, or maybe I just don’t need that many. Or maybe because I am twisted enough to think, if I stay in contact with them in the future, and one day my phone rings saying one of them passed. I can not deal with death like that. Yet somehow I am willing to accept my own?
I am scared of many things, I admit that, but its not like spiders and clowns and ghost stories and such, solid things, things I can touch, see, hear, taste. That doesn’t scare me. I am afraid of what I cannot control, what my mind sees that I wish not to, the things it thinks of when I try to ignore.
Suddenly, tears start to stream down my face and slowly sink into my pillow. I am scared, I am fucking terrified. Never felt this before and it’s going to drive me to the brink of insanity. I do have fears, don’t we all?

After all, fear is what keeps us living, it lets us know that we are human, that we are alive.

Happy Readings!

– Marz

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I Carry Fear.