Games, Torments and Positive Thoughts.

Everything is a game.

A wise move, and then the next is played.

There are no winners, because we always end up losing something, sacrificing, or just letting go.

I tend to ponder upon what my next moves are, it is an idea haunting me at any hour of my days.

I can sit in one place and suddenly BAM it hits me… the thoughts come flushing through me.

My love life, My work life, My home life.

The many lives we come to live all at once to balance in this endless dance of unknown motion.

The personal knick-knacks that seem to hang on a swinging hinge.

Although it has yet to hit me.

No sudden realization, there is no “AH-HA” moment for me.

Yet… is a positive attitude the blinding reason to things?

When someone has lived for so long seeing only good in life and people, it makes it hard to change that view point, even if life and people have not been so kind in return.

I find any excuse of a chance to see the positive.

So when do the games end, and what more will I have to sacrifice, lose, and let go of in order to achieve a sense of reality and life.

An accomplishment can only satisfy for so long, until a craving rises again.


Games, Torments and Positive Thoughts.

Let’s Play a Game of Chicken

    It’s been those days where its just one let down after another, and you know the right people are finally in your life to help you get out. Yet you are too afraid to say anything because you’re scared that thier perspective of them will change, you’ll be seen as an “untouchable”.

Well, that is how my life has been lately, just slowly shrinking and falling down. Just how dominoes work, one falls into the next. Well where is the end of this chain? Where is that sun at the end of the tunnel with the fresh air? I can step out and just breathe, and it will be so sweet and wonderful.

 I feel like I was getting there slowly, I was just getting back to me and I was happy, I finally found what I needed. And it’s so crazy! So insane how fast things can change and make you feel like shit. I just didn’t think, perhaps that is my fault, for being foolish and ignorant, thinking like that invincible girl. I am not though, I am not indestructible, not made of steel or stone.

I am human.

Realizing I am human, perhaps is something we forget, we always think we are more than what we actually are. So we indulge ourselves and we become selfish and mindless, I suppose like our own “zombie” race. We have the mindset that we can rule the world, so we play with death thinking we will out run him, out smart him, and be able to hide from him, we play chicken.

Each time, I played chicken.

 I need to change things, take control more, take a step back from the speeding highway. I finally met people, and they’re amazing. I laugh and feel great, there is a sense of acceptance and no worries. There the goofy moments and pranks and outings, the weekend random plans. It’s fantastic, it is what I was looking for, and I found it. I suppose when you take a step forward, there is always two steps back.

I can’t let silly past mistakes hold me back from heading towards what I want. I just don’t know sometimes what I want, where I am heading towards. I don’t expect myself to know, I just need to know that I am happy and living the best I can.
So I suppose I can end this on a positive note;

I will be okay, I always turn out being okay.

Anyways, Happy readings!



– Marz

Let’s Play a Game of Chicken

Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner!

What I see, is a game and tracks
I don’t call myself a player,
But thats exactly what I am doing.

Just a girl, having her fun.
Fun. That kind of fun.
The fun where you make heads turn.
The fun where you just linger on their lips and nothing else.
The fun where you run your fingers through their hair and bite your lip
The fun where you have guys falling at you.
The fun where you watch them want you.
And you just tease them so they believe it.
There is a chance.
And you bash your eyelashes and smile.
You wear your makeup to hide your face.
You just play it, you make a show, the ideal performer.
You deserve a Grammy, or some big award
You make people want you, and yet the one
You actually want, doesn’t want you.

And when they start to want something more,
Start to feel and demand something, try to tie those strings
Like a puppet, like a leash, Before they can even put it around your wrist…
You cleverly just disappear.
You become no one.
Just THAT girl, an old memory,
A one night stand, a random hookup.
Because for you, you’d rather just be
Known as that girl,
Not as their girl, not anyone’s girl.

Learning to do this without feeling.
What they feel, I feel nothing.
It’s a joke, a game.
And I am the main player, the center piece.
The trophy everyone wants to reach for.
And yet he seems to be the only able to take it.
he has taken it before, so now to him
It’s a memory game.
That is why he keeps on winning.
A victory!

Maybe a new person hasn’t reached that level,
They’re still stuck on some other obstacle course
They have not been able to surpass it because of obstacles of some sort.
They have not defeated that big boss at the end of the castle.
Is that me? Am I the big boss, or is it he,
not letting anyone through?
I am my own obstacle, my own mind and morals.

Why have I turned into this kind of person?
This person who just doesn’t care about people,
Selfish? Am i?
Am I selfish for just trying to do me.
Ha! Shallow? ME?!
Yes, I am shallow, with reasons.
Trying to dedicate myself to me, and not some other incompetent ass?
That is a fair excuse isn’t it? Just trying to do me, there is no harm in that.
Nobody said I was not allowed to just figure out what makes me happy,
who makes me happy.
And how they make me happy.

So yea, I guess I just straight up told myself,
Play it all and risk it,
Winner, winner, chicken dinner.
Be the player,
And always remember,
Don’t take it too seriously,
After all it is only a game.


Happy readings!

– Marz


Winner, Winner, Chicken Dinner!