What Makes Me Attractive?

It is finally getting closer and closer to that summer time, where people start to realize that all their hibernating fat has to be gone and getting in shape seems to be a priority. More exposed clothing is out and sun dresses and short shorts are finally being taken out and dusted off.  And I have yet to move out all my winter stuff… Spring cleaning? I think yes.

Me getting in shape? I thought I would never see the day when I will actually push myself to go to a gym, and now the only thing i picture in my head is the person I wish to be. Thinner, toned up, flatter tummy, you know, girl stuff.

I just can’t help to wonder though, to what I look like right now, and how I dress and act… why am I even attractive? Like what is it that people (or guys) see in me for that manner? I am far from being all girly, I love to look like a bum in slouchy old clothes, I hate dressing up unless it is necessary, I don’t really think of myself as a “sexy” kind of person. I suppose cute, sure but cute is cute; like “AWWW what a cute little dog!” nobody calls a dog sexy, cute is so child like. I always hated showing cleavage, non-the less I hate my own bust size, they’re the one thing that I have never liked because I just don’t feel like they fit my persona, they seem to be just TOO BIG, and then there is shy little me.

I don’t like wearing makeup, again unless I really have to and I hate designer clothes and brands (hey! at least ill save my guy some money right?) and I never really care what I eat or how. I love rough housing around, jumping, rolling in grass and being adventurous and just stupid and silly, that is who I am, but isn’t there a point where its just not considered… well Female? Lady-like?

So really, what makes me attractive? If I seem more like a dude, and less like a chick.

What do they even see in me?

Sometimes I feel like, I am not enough (and I know, someone should never feel that way about themselves), but I just don’t. I just don’t look the part. You take one look at me and your just like “damn, you are one big mess, messy hair, messy clothes” I am a mess! I suppose I just don’t care (Don’t worry though I do care about my hygiene. Although seriously!!

DO GUYS EVEN LIKE THAT?

I am who I am, and I can’t change that, I won’t change that.

I just feel like sometimes “they” are embarrassed to be seen around me, knowing there are other girls who dress well, always look their finest, show off their “curves”, just always look like models. Then curiosity is induced, and paranoia starts to weave in and my brain starts to panic “does he look at other girls? I mean he is a guy, but does he wish I dressed like that sometimes? He could have someone prettier, I know for sure, they would probably look better together, everyone would stare at them in admiration”

So why do “they” just accept me?

What do they see in me?

What makes me attractive?

 

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Happy Readings 🙂

– Marz

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What Makes Me Attractive?

Hallmarks, Rants and Patheticness.

I am allowed to be in a rant right? Nobody ever said that was not allowed. After all this is my blog, and I think I can freely express myself as I please to do. So… where have I been in my own life? Well there are my days where I stop and think “Marz, what in the hell are you doing with yourself?” And the sad part is, I can not answer to that properly because truthfully I do not even know. What human actually enjoys being put through endless loops and routines?

I don’t like to think that I am selfish or anything, but I just feel like it is time that I deserve something, after everything… no that is horrible of me to say. I think I just deserve some respect and each time I feel like I lose more and more dignity in myself. There is a battle that I seek, a fight. You know, someone to fight for you and have that fear. Cliche? And as this dreaded hallmark holiday draws closer, I cannot help to feel even more un-wanted. I lied, I cannot say that I am not wanted, because I am, although not for the reasons that I wish to be. The want that I seek, well *sigh*…

I can’t, anyways should I just continue ranting about my lack of trust in people, the lonesome feelings, wah wah wah, who called in the WAHmbulence….

Pathetic, I am a pathetic teenage human.

I always like to keep in mind though:

That I am special, and someone grand deserves me… someone with so much love in themselves is going to find me and share that with me. And they will be afraid to lose me, and they will protect and care, and I shall do the same in return.

Oh what a cliche,

anyways.

Who will be my valentines this year? I suppose I can share that after.

Happy Single Awareness day, I mean Valentines day 🙂

 

Hallmarks, Rants and Patheticness.

Dear______,

Again, since my mind has been in the gutter, I figure why not make this easy on myself and just stick to these lame little face book things and see what you can make of it. So here goes another one yet again in the middle of the night due to my lack of sleep and horrible sleeping patterns and the curses of the internet

Dear ex,

Well, first off, why does face- book have a knack to bring up past first? I suppose that is how it works, anyways. So ex, hmm there really isn’t anything to say, When you write there is emotions and such  feelings in which people put in. I don’t, I don’t see how people can write something without emotions, but really I don’t feel anything, I am not sure if this goes to last ex, or just the past in general, but as  I always say to myself, the past is the past, and what is meant to be then it is what it is, it stays behind you, and you leave it behind. So with that, I wish you all the best in life. Cheers.

Dear girl I hate,

There isn’t really a girl I hate. I am pretty neutral, sure there are girls I will be judgmental on and have my reasons to be friendly, but that is just me being a girl. If I was to “hate” a girl it is because there is something they have that I don’t. I dislike girls for different reasons, but I think a big part is just jealousy.

Dear boy I like,

It isn’t much of a secret that I like you, no I don’t like you, I love you, a lot actually and care for you more than you might think. I am sure you know that already though. You have been so wonderful and I really am lucky to have a guy like you in my life, and I know “oh how cliche”. Although sometimes the truth can be at times. Thanks for being there for me even for the littlest dramas I have had with the ups and downs and putting up with all the crazy shit that I have given you. You aren’t just some guy that I fell in love with or had a thing in high school with, this wasn’t just some puppy love phase as many would call it, but I gained a truly remarkable great friend with a special bond I have to cherish. And I know I can be so frustrating at times which questions why you put up with me, but trust me, even I question myself on that sometimes. It just works I suppose, and I am so glad that it does.

Dear ex best friend,

Well, we were destined to not work out ever since middle school had finished, we were drifting but that is okay I had already accepted that. I am just ashamed it had to be that way. This is more of an apology, I am sorry for the damage that I did to you, no one deserves that, but in all honesty I did you more of a favor than anything trust me, kid wasn’t worth your time.  I am just sorry that it was because of a stupid act we no longer even say hi or anything. So, I am sorry for the harm I had put upon you. I know you have no interest, and well neither do I, but I promised myself that someday I will apologize to you properly.

Dear best friend(s),

I am to lazy to write you all, just read my past post “Best Friends” yes, that will sum it up for you. You guys are great hehe love you!

Dear Mum,

Oh mom, we have our ups and downs as always and at each other throats. I suppose that is what happens when you put fire with fire. We both have to much similar personas that they clash. Honestly though I don’t know where would I be if I didn’t have you. With your empowering speeches and your “WE ARE WOMEN” stance. I think I would be so lost, you always happen to give me great advice. And I always enjoy secretly our fights when you throw things at me, it’s like a game of doge ball. And I know we aren’t very loving with each other but we know in our own ways how we feel. I don’t think I will ever forget the time I read you that poem and you cried. Mom, I love you.

Dear Dad,

What is there to say about you? I am so lucky to have you as my father, and over the years you have helped me through the worst and never given up. Your patience for your daughters is incredible and you have never failed to cheer me up even when I am just in the worst spot. There probably is a whole story I could write about you, but I won’t. You have honestly taught me so much, and I admire the courage and risks you have taken to get where you are today. You always tell me to stay strong and work hard and to be who I want to be in life, even if others don’t approve of it. I have always admire the man you have become, because you could have ended up like the rest of your brothers or father, but you didn’t, you were different. Dad, I love you and thank you.

Dear Future Self.

Well, I hope you keep living the life that you have planned in your mind. That life treats you as well as you hope. I think it will, if you keep that mindset that it will be great it will be. Like my new quote “Believe that you have it, and you have it” So hope you have everything you wanted. I know it seems so irrational to say that, if you have that morbid mentality. I think you will do just great though, you will be alright. And remember, as you’re present boyfriend always said to you “You will make people happy no matter where you go”, that has always stuck out to me, so hopefully it will be like a little light of hope for your future.

Happy readings!

– Mariana

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Dear______,

Boerdom has reached a new level to blogging.

So, facebook has these neat little things that kids post up “confessing” themselves to everyone out there just to waste a bit of time and procrastinate, I decided to take one into my own hands and answer some of these little questions. Besides, I figured readers could find out more about me 😉

A. Why my last relationship ended. For many reasons, but the point is that it’s past.

B. Favorite band. The killers. The Zutons. The Klaxons. Arctic Monkeys.
C. Who I like and why I like them. I like a lot of people for different reasons.
D. Hardest thing I’ve ever been through. There have been many struggles in my life that I have managed to over come, I suppose my sister getting sick would be the main one though.
E. My best friend. I don’t really have just one best friend. I have many and I love them dearly all.
F. My favorite movie. Nightmare Before Christmas. Rio. Fantastic Mr.Fox. Gangs Of New York. Little Miss Sunshine.
G. Do i love my mother? Under all our fighting and insults, yes I do love my mother.
H. Do I smoke/drink? Not as an unhealthy habit, just on social occasions
I. Have any tattoos or piercings? Just me ears… for now.
J. What I want to be when I get older. I want to be someone, and not just anyone.
K. Relationship with my parents.  It’s been pretty solid, nothing horrible. Parents are parents
L. One of my insecurities. I would have to say my lack of being to trust people, or just always assuming the worst to happen.  I think I am not always good enough.
M. Virgin or not? My sex or non-existent sex life is privet and only for me to know about.
N. Favourite place to shop at? I don’t really have a “place”.
O. My eye colour. Green eyes I suppose.
P. Why I hate school. The ignorant people and the early wake up time.
Q. Relationship status as of right now. I am in a relationship as of right now.
R. Favourite song at the moment. Tricky – The beastie boys
S. A random fact about myself. I have weird eating habits, but I like them.
T. Age I get mistaken for. Depends, without my makeup and just normal t-shirts, 15, with makeup and well dressed, 20’s
U. Where I want to be right now. MMMMEEEEEXXXIIIICCCCOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
V. Last time I cried.  Two nights ago?
W. Concerts I’ve been to. The killers, My chemical Romance, Wolf Mother, Ke$ha, Breathe Carolina, Alesso. Kiss Kiss.
X. What would you do if (…)? I am confused here?
Y. Do you want to go to college. Of course! I do.
Z. How are you? How are you? how are you?! oh geez, honestly? I could go into a whole rant about this! Although I wont because that is just even worse and all.

Boerdom has reached a new level to blogging.

Two Steps Back. – Comic.

http://www.twostepsbackcomic.com/

So, my sister has this boyfriend,

and him and his best friend decided to create a comic together of there spiraling misadventures towards adult hood.

The link is on top, please check it out, I promise you will love the witty and goofy and just enjoyable mini comics, and if you don’t well you can leave me an angry comment saying how repulsive and ugly I am 🙂

Here is their latest comic :

Anyways I thought I’d be a great caring person and help them out a bit, I have already gotten some friends into the comic, and I enjoy reading it all the time.

Happy readings 🙂

– Mariana

 

Two Steps Back. – Comic.