Thank You, Please Don’t Come Back.

I just wanted to say Thank you,

Thank you for making realize all the trauma

That has seeped into my mind.

I want to say how grateful I am that my current lover

will have to endure

With what you have bruised and left behind.

How scummy that is, to clean up all your shit after.

And with time, it’ll be erased

just as I have done

With you.

That my new partner will never be able to grab my wrists,

Without me feeling anxiety

Without me squirming away in fear.

Backing away with tears in my eyes,

Because you have left your permanent scar around them,

Imprinted with your hatred and anger.

They will never gain my full trust.

Because you taught me so well how to hide lies,

So everything they tell me, will be second guessed

With a plethora of doubt.

Thank you for opening my eyes,

How easy it is to cheat, to hide sadness behind smiles.

Thank you for allowing me to perform the greatest theatrical act,

To walk around like I was in the happiest state of mind.

I want to thank you for allowing me to shut myself down

And pushing me to my lowest,

For knowing what depression feels like,

when it comes to opening up.

When my future lover will want me to open up,

I won’t because I will be to scared

Thank you for making me feel disgusted with myself,

Slapping stupidity across my face,

Tattooing “FUCKED UP” and “CRAZY BITCH” on it.

For making my skin crawl, for tainting it with all the other

Skins you passed through and kept so hidden in secret.

Thank you for using me, for throwing guilt into my soul.

Making me believe you had real issues,

convincing me you would end

Your very own life.

Making others believe I was some monster who damaged you.

Thank you for showing me how worthless I was

How much of a whore I became.

Thank you for teaching me the most valuable lesson in life,

To never let someone who’s already down in their life, bring you even further below them,

To never let anyone tell you what you are worth, to not let anyone make you feel any less or

insecure.

Thank you for introducing me to some of the greatest people out there,

What a pity you don’t see value.

One thing I am genuinely thankful for,

Only thing done right,

Thank you, for getting me into sushi.

I really appreciate it.

Thank you, for wasting my youth away in bullshit.

Thank You, Please Don’t Come Back.

Bed Sheets

It is a feeling out place

when I am not nudged between the sheets

and his body.

Nestled between the moment of bliss and lust

balanced with the perfect shape

between his lips and our fate.

The minds of dreamers mixed with wonders,

and the dash of over thinkers,

 with tucked away secrets

into those bed sheets.

Yet heartbeat at ease calms the youthful minds

proving that life outside is a tease of its own kind

He makes it feel safe

allowing to explore and

to expose my vulnerability.

We play all day, and through the night,

and we seem to forget about life outside

It just him and I

Everything is right.

It is a sculpted love,

and we have shaped it so perfectly.

Tucked away so effortlessly.

Bed Sheets

Tainted

Stained red, glassy look, a giggle of a drunken warmth. The glass kept nearly full, atleast more than yours for the moments, the bottle finished on the floor left with nothing but the cork. It was a mission to drain it dry, in my system with it soaking in my blood. My cheeks flushed and my body held awkwardly against the window,what was between you and me and a stupid pillow, and who would of wondered that it’d be the last time of us, ever being us.
It wasn’t real sex, didn’t feel like it, with alcohol involved how can it?, a floppy pose, the lazy slurs, the lust filled smile, just wanted to fuck, and you knew I would do anything if pushed with the right buttons.
You knew so well, it was all meticulously played out.
It didn’t count, it seemed almost petty, you got me drunk so I could fuck you. I felt it, yet I faked it, and more than ever I should have
slept it. My burgandy tainted lips, no longer caring with what they sipped, it might have been better off if I had just stayed away.
All that’s left, is how much it’s all been tainted.

Still confused

Tainted

Treading in Blue

When my eyes close, the blue
Seeps into my mind.
Warmth of foreign sun settles on my cheeks.
Dived into the waters head first,
I let the currents carry me,
Into everything.
I realized I had known nothing.
The realization I had not known to swim, to tread the water all again.
Through calm waters and raging storms.
Where waves engulfed me whole, only to hold my breath,
To wait for the surface once more.
The feeling lost between the ocean floor
and my toes,
With the dark unknown below.
Only to stare above something so blue,
so comforting,
to have hope.
When sand reached my skin,
Emrbraced me with the heat,
Sometimes it burned,
Other times it tickled beneath.
The foot prints carefully imprinted, so effortlessly
memories in my mind crafted with ease.
The blue came to my ankles,
luring me,
pulling me into the unknown once more.
This is what it felt,
Falling in love with you.

Treading in Blue

Reaction of Bad Bearings.

It starts off with a huge pit,
Then you just stare.
You feel your breath get shorter,
A cinder block dropped on your chest.
And with each pull for air,
It gets harder
And harder.
Your legs feel numb
They get shaky
A wobble to only sink in
Deeper into yourself.
Hands covering your mouth,
Eyes starting to water,
And all you can do is choke.
Choke on your own throat
Feel the lump grow bigger
As you swallow each time.
Afraid to show yourself,
Numb,
That is the only word to describe
The state in which you are left.
Angry,
Remorseful,
Regret
Grief
The reality of your worst fear,
Becoming true.
Then there is silence,
A long dreading awful pause.
Nobody knowing what to say,
Or what to do…
And you just stand there,
Feeling so empty.

Reaction of Bad Bearings.

Observant, Hesitant and Fearful.

“Fear is the Heart of love”- Death Cab for Cutie

That stance always stood out to me.

What a cliche I know, but

the more I look at it the more it

makes sense.

Things are in such a great place,

I am scared,

I am careful,

every word and move I make, I watch.

I am hesitant.

There is much fear in me because I love.

Nobody wants to ruin something they love.

I know for sure,

I do not.

When there is a want, not lust,

WANT.

I want you,

I can’t lose you,

You are my golden possession

and I am terrified.

There is this feeling in me

that knows something bad might happen.

Not knowing is just endlessly torturous.

This fear is endless.

This love, is fear.

Happy Readings!

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– Marz

Observant, Hesitant and Fearful.

Hanging On Hopeless, Silly and Forgotten Dream.

Screen shot 2013-02-05 at 10.40.10 AM

Her cheeks pink, resting on the pillow.

With his lips resting on her neck,

his soft breaths leaving a sense of humidity.

It tickled the hairs on her back.

A long sigh.

Messy hair,

scratches of good sex.

makeup smeared under her eyes.

He held her, cradling her into his arms.

“You are so pretty”

Her lips kissed the top of his forehead.

She felt his grip tighten, and his head fell back

into place.

He closed his eyes, and she shut hers.

How she wished,

that could be them,

everyday.

The silly hope, that the dream,

that once was,

was not dead,

simply buried.

Although perhaps she

was just a

silly

foolish

girl.

Hanging onto a hopeless dream,

never to be.

To fall back to what was left

when there is a monster in the same bed,

and he is making his way back in slowly.

It is her fault, because she is letting, so willing,

So giving.

So she plays it safe,

“Don’t let him take anymore, you already gave too much, you already gave in”

So she keeps hanging onto her

lost

hopeless

and forgotten dream.

Always just hoping.

Happy Readings!!

Comment/Follow/ LIKE.

By: Marz

Hanging On Hopeless, Silly and Forgotten Dream.