The Irony of The Universe

Things become so ironic, in the best ways, that it just makes me chuckle and smile. So how to explain this, my best friend, became my best friend, because he said something that was miss interpretided into causing me to lose my best friend…

WAIT… rewind on that… how does that work?

Now you are all probablly asuming how crazy I am… how can you be best friends with someone like that?

Simple… he did me the best favor anyone could have done. I know that seems so strange, but it is true. Without my best friend, I wouldn’t be where I am today. And trust me, he always apologizes to me and how horrible he felt if he had known what the damage would have been, but honestly, it was for the best!!

I imagined my life one night if he had never done that, I imagined how depressed I would be still, How I would of still been in that toxic cycle with X, going through the mind fucks, the manipulative abuse, the lies and feeling like the lowest person ever. How I would of never met my current love *yes thats right, I decided to start dating again and open my world up… 4 months strong and its been amazing*, I probably wouldnt have gone on all these memorable adventures, or finding my boyfriend as pretty much being my music rave mate soulmate, no mind games, no lies, no stress, no doubting, we just live, we laugh and we do it so well that its beautiful. I ended up making some of the most important connections because of my bestfriend, had one of the best summers and I cant regret any of it.

I feel happy and healthy and I can say it with a straight face.

Peace, I am at peace, what I had been searching in me and around me, it is all at peace.

I owe it all to my best friend, I owe him from breaking me apart from the toxic waste in my life, for pushing me to give someone who became somebody important a chance, I owe him for the advice and memorable nights we have had. He always says sorry… Yet I amm always saying thank you.

Isnt it fantastic how the universe can work in the best of ways?

|It is almost Ironic|

Although, when it is to my favor… who am I to complain to 🙂

 

Happy Readings my Misfits

  • Marz

 

The Irony of The Universe

The Devil’s Playmate Prt 1

    Pacing my footsteps through the woods, ashes of leaves  with brittle twigs cracking on the ground, echoing through the naked trees. My breath heavy with peril, I stop and listen, it is silent. I am in my own solitude, a simplistic hell, where the nightmares are the reality and the beast is more than just a friend, but a dark lover of past youthful dreams, and he is vividly beautiful. Luring me in deeper into the forest, where the trees were scorched and hovered with their twisted curling branches, arching and encasing the dark, with only a shadow to see. He holds his hand out, so gracefully, with lust tainted on his fingertips. I am hesitant from a far.
“Wait! Don’t leave me”
    I take a step forward and the rustle of the ground starts to fade away. He has moved only deeper and I follow, I cannot help but to follow him. The yearning to see him once more, to catch a glimpse of what temptation has to offer.   

“Find me”

I hear his voice bounce off, a playful tone because to him it was a game.
    His seductive voice finally fades and I stood there, mixed emotions racing through my blood and bones.
  

 “I know what you are thinking” I can feel his smile linger through those words “If you turn around now and head back, you will never know…don’t you want to know? Don’t you want to feel?”
    

I become disconnected with my body, my feet take their own steps and I felt his presence grow stronger. I hold my arms out in hopes he will guide me.
  

 “Where are you going?” He questioned as I followed the shadow.
    “Why are you doing this to me?” I asked
    “Doing what?”
    “All of this. Why are you hurting me, tempting me, seducing me”
    

A laughed erupted and then his footsteps picked up again, and I ran after. Silly me, a girl running after someone so forbidden, I just wanted to see him, touch his skin and feel the rush of euphoric impulse
  

 “And yet you still follow aimlessly girl! You follow only because you are scared”

I froze, the air grew cold, sending shrivers through my spine. He continued speaking,

“You think you have nothing left, so in desperation you follow what cannot be touched but only wanted, and forever you shall want, you will have eternal desire with no satisfaction, that is your hell”
    

He stands a couple feet away, just out of arms reach, and I stare into his face. He is so beautiful, it is almost unrealistic. The grey eyes contrasting with the trees, burning with anticipation, and yet he was ever so smooth, the way he stood, like a tree itself. Swaying lightly, yet maintaining the strong pose rooted into the ashes.
    Sending chills with the wind making the hairs on my arms stand, I stared at him and moved forward. He held his hands out and smiled
  

 “Come to me my love”
    “I am” I stumbled “I am trying”
    “Come closer, Don’t worry I won’t run away”
    “It’s a trick” I hesitated “You always play these mind games, I know you”
    “Don’t you trust me?” he frowned.

I stopped, his body leaned closer, I was only feet away from him, I could smell his cologne, it flared up my nostrils with the aroma.
    “Turn around” he calmly told me.
I trust him at my most vulnerable spot, I trust him with my back turned to the devil himself.
        “Close your eyes now” I felt my eyes close shut, and now I saw nothing, I listened to the crunch of footsteps now shuffling behind me.
    Placing his fingers firmly on my shoulders as my back faced him, I could feel his breath in my ear, slowly making its way down my neck. His hands traced my arms and rested on my hips as he pulled me in closer to him.
    “Play with me” he moved his hands “Come on Babe” he nudged me in closer.
I felt his softened lips press against my neck, each letting a small breath to escape from my mouth. Leaving marks that burned and I loved it.
As his lips pressed more fiercely, his hands rushed through my body, leaving every spot untouched. And I could feel all of him as he pressed me against his body. I wanted to turn around, I wanted to feel that burn on my lips, the impulse of the sultry hands.

I wanted him.

 

– M

So here is a part of a story, I randomly decided to write, I figured I would not burden you with my silly rants and actually give my readers something I find decent enough to share. Please Comment,  Critic, Follow and all that other good stuff! I will appreciate it so much!

Happy Readings 🙂

The Devil’s Playmate Prt 1

Sweet and Juicy… Lemons.

In a pretentious mood, and everything is just spinning. And yet I lay just grasping my head hoping to find a release. I need a break from everything and everyone, from that person. I can’t help but to feel always tense and aggravated, so I pick fights and rebel. Perhaps that is why I do what I do, because it is my small escape, it is a little rush of danger that sends me pleasure, because for those few hours I think of nothing, I am in my own world of energy. Masking my emotions out of pure fear, how weak can that be? Or am I just trying to drive him to the point where I no longer become an option in his life, but perhaps more a fail in the past only to sprout into something a little less, well intimate. Becoming to predictable in a world of vast variety and eternal suspense, how lame can that get?
I have lost the will power to even make friends that I can care for, why?
I already have those that I care for, why do I need more? Or am I that superficial and fake, that shallow and just a bitch for thinking all that? Maybe I am just that super socially awkward person who makes friends with other socially awkward people.
I can’t deal with people anymore, this isn’t some summer heat shit.  I need an explosion, some fire works, a new face. Just something out of the boring old routine, and nobody was going to help me then I suppose I would just have to help my self in that aspect. I can’t say that I am not happy, but perhaps because I have everything I just seem to be craving something different, something new, although figuring out what that may be is what is causing some havoc.
In terms of where I have been in my love life? Well fine thanks for asking? Although to begin with nobody really cares, after all we are all adults here right. It isn’t after all anyones business who I see, fuck or love. That is for me to find out and my mind to hold onto. I am no sinner after all, I just enjoy my life offerings, and if life offers you lemons than make some sweet juicy lemonade.  I am no longer quenched in my overly satisfying life. Simply just being greedy and goutiness in search for more. I have you, you are mine, only mine, possession = Greed.
Loca estoy yo? Alamejor si, alamejor ya me pego la rinda de hacer latina, la sangre intenso que corre por mis venas.  Y no hay nada para controlarme, solo dar el seguro que no haria nada de estupidades. Nothing spontaneous, you know? Just live it all on the safe side. Where the fall is only two feet and people can’t push you far. Vivendo la vida en una cueva, como un cangrejo o una tortuga. Viendo peliculas en el Netflix. Maybe that is why he let me use his netflix, to keep me occupied in my little shell knowing  I won’t really do anything wrong. Just a thought… random thought.

                                                                                       Blah blah blah blah blah

Ya lo sabes, y yo le se.

Anyways, I should probably check on my life again.

Happy readings

– Turtle Girl.

Sweet and Juicy… Lemons.

What Makes Me Attractive?

It is finally getting closer and closer to that summer time, where people start to realize that all their hibernating fat has to be gone and getting in shape seems to be a priority. More exposed clothing is out and sun dresses and short shorts are finally being taken out and dusted off.  And I have yet to move out all my winter stuff… Spring cleaning? I think yes.

Me getting in shape? I thought I would never see the day when I will actually push myself to go to a gym, and now the only thing i picture in my head is the person I wish to be. Thinner, toned up, flatter tummy, you know, girl stuff.

I just can’t help to wonder though, to what I look like right now, and how I dress and act… why am I even attractive? Like what is it that people (or guys) see in me for that manner? I am far from being all girly, I love to look like a bum in slouchy old clothes, I hate dressing up unless it is necessary, I don’t really think of myself as a “sexy” kind of person. I suppose cute, sure but cute is cute; like “AWWW what a cute little dog!” nobody calls a dog sexy, cute is so child like. I always hated showing cleavage, non-the less I hate my own bust size, they’re the one thing that I have never liked because I just don’t feel like they fit my persona, they seem to be just TOO BIG, and then there is shy little me.

I don’t like wearing makeup, again unless I really have to and I hate designer clothes and brands (hey! at least ill save my guy some money right?) and I never really care what I eat or how. I love rough housing around, jumping, rolling in grass and being adventurous and just stupid and silly, that is who I am, but isn’t there a point where its just not considered… well Female? Lady-like?

So really, what makes me attractive? If I seem more like a dude, and less like a chick.

What do they even see in me?

Sometimes I feel like, I am not enough (and I know, someone should never feel that way about themselves), but I just don’t. I just don’t look the part. You take one look at me and your just like “damn, you are one big mess, messy hair, messy clothes” I am a mess! I suppose I just don’t care (Don’t worry though I do care about my hygiene. Although seriously!!

DO GUYS EVEN LIKE THAT?

I am who I am, and I can’t change that, I won’t change that.

I just feel like sometimes “they” are embarrassed to be seen around me, knowing there are other girls who dress well, always look their finest, show off their “curves”, just always look like models. Then curiosity is induced, and paranoia starts to weave in and my brain starts to panic “does he look at other girls? I mean he is a guy, but does he wish I dressed like that sometimes? He could have someone prettier, I know for sure, they would probably look better together, everyone would stare at them in admiration”

So why do “they” just accept me?

What do they see in me?

What makes me attractive?

 

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Happy Readings 🙂

– Marz

What Makes Me Attractive?

Looped

I feel like curling into a small ball and just sleeping everything off. Ever have those days? Where you just feel so emotionally unstable?
No I don’t think I can call myself that, I feel pretty stable, perhaps it is the sudden frustration with the idea of having all these emotions and not being able to do a thing about them. Letting things play out, stop worrying about tomorrow and enjoy what there is to offer in the moment. So why is it that I am just not enjoying that. We tend to always hang on to a little beckon of hope, yet we always are preparing for the worst to come, we tend to stay more on the negative effects rather than the positives.
I am losing my patience and becoming more frustrated again and just preparing myself for the negative emotions, perhaps I have just seemed to have trained my body like that. Or maybe it is just already in us.It is draining life from me, of what was started, ended, started again, and just not coming to it’s end. The confusion of emotions and reaction. Everything has a reaction, a neutral reaction an explosive reaction. I just seem to be torn in both.
I can’t force things to happen, only let my surroundings aware. Although even with all the honesty I can lay out I don’t see any change and then that is where my frustration starts, I assume, I lash out, then I just become defensive.
Is any of this healthy? This circle? This endless loop of No! Yes! Maybe so? I want… Go away! I need you! Not really…? Lets end this. Come over. (Oh god, now I am just beginning to sound like some cliche Taylor Swift song)
This can’t be healthy can it, so why stay with all this?
Who knows, perhaps deep inside I do know, but I am just to scared to say my reasons why.  So let me just scratch my head on this one, and continue acting dumb. I will laugh it off and keep it to myself in hopes that it turns out just alright.

What do you really want? I always ask myself this questions, what deep down in your gut feels right to you? Your interests in career, fashion, money, love. What is worth keeping and letting go, and is it even worth the trouble dealing with. I am young after all and for the moment I have time on my side.
So if I am able to comprehend everything for what it is, and grasp the main points, why am I just endlessly confused. In the mean time, my actions of moving forward could either gain positive points or negative, again depends on what I am trying to achieve. Perhaps because in my mind I like knowing for sure everything, I can only see things as black and white, yes or no. There is no middle filling, it just is what it is, and not knowing what it is can lead to: an over fried brain, low tolerance for bullshit, poor communication and jealousy. Over all just something messy and something I don’t want/need to deal with.
http://vampyrefangs.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/girl-in-nest.jpg?w=640
My only solution for the moment is just going with the flow, don’t take the small things in life so seriously but still be able to figure out what I want to do with it, save the social and “love” for last, and let the time just decide for it’s self. In the mean time, you will find me curled up in a ball under my blankets in my tiny twin bed, as I try to sort through my complex mind of what if’s and what is not, the yes, no’s maybe so, and the what I want and what I don’t.

Looped

Another Battle Fought.

The golden light which sparkled in her eyes,  now left through the damaged cracks. A soulless body remained staring at the walls, nothing seemed to be alive anymore, she was breathing,but she couldn’t feel it. A certain numbness over powered her body, she had lost it all. A rock bottom was where she sat, slowly making it’s way towards her, each time taking over inch by inch the room, darkening it as the hours passed by. The darkness soon reached out with long thin claws to grip around her feet that dangled inches away from ground. Turned away in terror she crawled into her bed to the corner, her back against the wall with her knees drawn in. She figured if her back is touching the wall, nothing can grab her from behind, only from in front, but this monster only came at night, when the mind was at its best, slipping into it’s subconscious and drowning her with thoughts unknown that had been pushed away for so long.

This was no friend of hers, she wasn’t ready to accept this darkness, she didn’t want to fall into it. There had to be some escape or a way to avoid this nightmare. She scanned her room, the darkness now made it’s way to her walls and now the shadows were playing their games. Bouncing around and shaping disturbing  objects. They played with her mind, tricking her into thinking they were something else, something warm and welcoming. She stayed in her corner with her knees against her as she hugged herself tightly.

She sunk down to her covers and let them protect her, she fell asleep facing the only wall where she knew the darkness had not touched. Upon waking up to crust salted cheeks, she glanced at her room again, the sun was peeking through the curtains casting down the warmth from outside. She let out a deep sigh and sat up letting her feet touch the floor, another battle fought, another night won.

Although she wondered, how many were soon to come?

 

– Mariana

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So here is a short story, I decided to start writing some short stories again and this just came from out of the blue I suppose. So enjoy and happy readings 🙂

Another Battle Fought.