December 28th, 2012
I shared my deepest thoughts with someone,
He was a random at the bar.
I noticed he liked to draw and write, like so I figured in a sense we were not that different.
It was near closing time and the kitchen had already shut down, the bar was empty except for a couple all the way at the other end, and while my shift was done.
I decided to stay a little longer and talk.
Socialize I suppose you can say.
He asked me those generic questions, the ones where it just surfaces the life of someone.
I told him how I admired his pictures and art work,
The way he was so freely expressive.
He asked me what I did on my free time, or when things got boring.
“ I write, write what I see and feel, write about anything, and sometimes I draw”
I told him about this small travel notebook I carry with me everywhere.
He asked me if I had it with me.
I walked back to the desk where my bag was hiding and pulled out my leather black small notebook.
It had my most intimate thoughts and dreams, my moments in life that I had surpassed.
It had everything. And never once have I shared it with anyone.
He asked to see it, but I never thought he would actaully look through it.
I saw his eyes skim, he pointed at certain things, laughed and questioned.
When he finally put it down he looked up at me and said
“You are one angry horny teenager”
I cooly just replied “Nothing wrong with feeling a little anger and pleasure, such opposite feelings, women write and read erotic things, men watch porn. Give us credit for at least using our imagination, women are so shut in by society and given labels for simply enjoying sex, don’t you think that should be broken by now?”
He just simply nodded his head and smiled in defeat and said “yea, I was like that when I was your age”
He was a random at the bar, for a moment I showed who I was as a person.
And it was accepted, there was that great feeling of connection and acceptance,
Finding someone who gets you, who knows you, because at some point
They were you.
A transparent world with little life.
Living in the blinded truth.
That hides behind all our lives.
Our lifes made into nothing.
Because it was all a dream.
Awoken from the horror.
A transparent human,
A simple window.
to the future
to the past.
but never stop looking.
So you tell me what its like,
what it is like to be free?
To have NO ONE in this world
in this life
tell you what to do
to have yourself and only you
where your soul is only embraced
by the sun and moon.
And the only thing holding you back
is the grass gripping your feet.
When you can hear yourself speak and
you know it is you.
Let me know when you have found your freedom
and you can live in happiness
and the tears aren’t outlining
No days where you want to hurt
dig fingernails into your skin.
Every bit of yourself
In a sinkhole like this
filled with shit
seeping faster into the earths center.
And your left there
with that feeling of escape
to catch your glimpse of
love is such a curious thing to have, to hold, to give, to show. The subtle hints in which one shows. People may show it oddly enough, but they do. they can see it, breath it. Use all their senses. Blinds you by the light and distracts you from all around. Your mind stops, words are meaningless and you just sound high.
If we kept running away from our problems everyday, where will we stop? I think people’s legs would fall off. So here is a thought face them no matter how bad the outcome might be right? that would be smart perhaps.
So the day is coming to a close end. The day ware pilgrims and Native Americans joined together to eat and feast and celebrate. Well today it has become a wonderful celebration with families. Families there always important to everyone weather its from a lion cub to a baby we all have them. Over the summer I spent my time in Mexico with my mother’s side and I started to realize how important family was in my life, how much I loved them even though some where total fuck ups. So remember whenever you seem to really kill your family or just rip away from them, remember that no matter what they will always be there for you and you should always be there for them.
Happy thanksgiving ❤