What Makes Me Attractive?

It is finally getting closer and closer to that summer time, where people start to realize that all their hibernating fat has to be gone and getting in shape seems to be a priority. More exposed clothing is out and sun dresses and short shorts are finally being taken out and dusted off. And I have yet to move out all my winter stuff… Spring cleaning? I think yes.

Me getting in shape? I thought I would never see the day when I will actually push myself to go to a gym, and now the only thing i picture in my head is the person I wish to be. Thinner, toned up, flatter tummy, you know, girl stuff.

I just can’t help to wonder though, to what I look like right now, and how I dress and act… why am I even attractive? Like what is it that people (or guys) see in me for that manner? I am far from being all girly, I love to look like a bum in slouchy old clothes, I hate dressing up unless it is necessary, I don’t really think of myself as a “sexy” kind of person. I suppose cute, sure but cute is cute; like “AWWW what a cute little dog!” nobody calls a dog sexy, cute is so child like. I always hated showing cleavage, non-the less I hate my own bust size, they’re the one thing that I have never liked because I just don’t feel like they fit my persona, they seem to be just TOO BIG, and then there is shy little me.

I don’t like wearing makeup, again unless I really have to and I hate designer clothes and brands (hey! at least ill save my guy some money right?) and I never really care what I eat or how. I love rough housing around, jumping, rolling in grass and being adventurous and just stupid and silly, that is who I am, but isn’t there a point where its just not considered… well Female? Lady-like?

So really, what makes me attractive? If I seem more like a dude, and less like a chick.

What do they even see in me?

Sometimes I feel like, I am not enough (and I know, someone should never feel that way about themselves), but I just don’t. I just don’t look the part. You take one look at me and your just like “damn, you are one big mess, messy hair, messy clothes” I am a mess! I suppose I just don’t care (Don’t worry though I do care about my hygiene. Although seriously!!

DO GUYS EVEN LIKE THAT?

I am who I am, and I can’t change that, I won’t change that.

I just feel like sometimes “they” are embarrassed to be seen around me, knowing there are other girls who dress well, always look their finest, show off their “curves”, just always look like models. Then curiosity is induced, and paranoia starts to weave in and my brain starts to panic “does he look at other girls? I mean he is a guy, but does he wish I dressed like that sometimes? He could have someone prettier, I know for sure, they would probably look better together, everyone would stare at them in admiration”